Honestly, this term wasn't my best...but it never is
Recently, 11 more copies of A Field Guide to Grad School were shared with prospective and current PhD students in the United States bringing our total number of newsletter book winners to 80! Recipients included: Keoni Bermoy, Charis Chen, Nicole Espinosa Zaldivar, Haley Hummel, Abraham Iniguez, Kasia Klimek, Sophia Lipkin, Victoria Lyczak, Alex Markowitz, Kavitha Srikanth, and Camryn Trevino. If you are a prospective or current PhD student in the United States and are interested in winning a copy of A Field Guide to Grad School, be sure to enter the book giveaway to receive your own copy. More information on how to do this is at the end of the newsletter.
For those of us in the United States, it’s “Black Friday.” For some reason, I have this vivid memory of lining up early at Kmart one year with my aunt to secure her children’s most desired toys for Christmas. This, of course, was back when “Black Friday” sales started on Friday and people called companies to order from their catalog. I wouldn’t be surprised if my aunt now completes most of her holiday shopping before “Black Friday” these days. Anyways…
It’s that time in the term where I start to reflect on the progress I’ve made. As usual, I find myself focusing on those instances where I think I’ve fallen short. And I’m certainly not alone in this. So, in this post, I’m going to “talk out loud” to myself and try to work through some of those instances where I think I’ve fallen short to understand what actually happened and where I might have opportunities to help myself improve next term (or at least keep my head in reality).
My teaching just wasn’t “it” this term. For some reason, I feel like I fell short with my teaching. Maybe it’s because I’m working to revise the structure of the course and didn’t like the revised lectures (or the revised lectures aren’t quite where I want them to be). Maybe it’s because I still struggle to engage students in class. Certainly, the number of students regularly contributing has increased, but it doesn’t feel like enough. Maybe it’s because the course, in general, is not where I want it to be and I feel like it falls short because my expertise is limited. Of course, there’s always more to learn and the topic itself (social media marketing) is always evolving. Maybe it’s because I didn’t micromanage students as much as I have in the past. But, that level of micromanaging wasn’t sustainable! Ok, I need to stop. Here’s what’s probably going on:
I need to revise the structure of the course to make progress toward my long-term goals, so, I started with a few key lectures this term. In doing so, I made progress toward positively reshaping the trajectory of the course, but there were some hiccups. To the extent students viewed my delivery as clunky, I don’t know. But, I do know that I made a good faith effort to improve the learning experience (and will continue to do so during the upcoming term).
Encouraging classroom participation is difficult. Students report being reluctant to voluntarily participate in class for a number of reasons. Knowing this, I now provide students with several avenues to participate that do not involve speaking in class. For example, this term, I built in several opportunities for small group work and have observed a (very modest) uptick in participation in online discussions. These are wins! I need to capitalize on this momentum next term. Perhaps I could request some more specific feedback from students after the term (when students may feel more comfortable sharing more critical feedback un-anonymously).
I feel like I didn’t even do any research. As I wrap up my third semester as an assistant professor, I have yet to collect new data with children through my own lab at Stony Brook. I also have several pending IRB applications that require my attention. In short, I feel stuck and like nothing is ever going to get off the ground. Additionally, because I focused so intensely on moving completed manuscripts forward this past year, I do not have a full project to write up as a first author at the moment. Well, I suppose I do, but it’s a very big project and very difficult and so it’s stalled. Before this gets out of hand, let’s think about what’s actually going on:
Let’s first look at some key metrics. This term, I published two manuscripts—one as a first author and one as a second author. Both landed in very reputable outlets. I presented a talk at a conference that is historically quite competitive and was invited to participate in a roundtable as an expert at another. I submitted a workshop to another conference (still pending) and am a speaker on a symposium submission for the same conference (pending). Next week, I will give an invited talk at another institution (and gave two internal invited talks at Stony Brook). Finally, I was interviewed and featured on a Wall Street Journal podcast. So, I’m not doing nothing…
I welcomed two new research assistants to join my lab, the Child Consumer Behavior Lab. Although the lab itself existed prior to this term, it really launched this fall! We hosted activity tables at three family-oriented events on Long Island to encourage families to sign up to hear about future online research studies. I worked with licensing and finally secured lab shirts and a tablecloth. I also laid some groundwork to build relationships with area museums that may be interested in supporting CCBL research. And many other things!
Yes, I have stalled on working through IRB stuff. My procrastination reflects the difficulties I initially experienced navigating my institution’s IRB. Unfortunately, after speaking with several faculty members, I learned that reaching the approval stage will be more difficult. Not because I’m doing different research but because it’s just a different process. Now, had I not had the experiences I had at other institutions, I wouldn’t know differently. So, moving forward, I need to work on my feelings around the difficulties I’m experiencing and just get back into IRB stuff. My institution’s process is not going to change, so I have to!
Now, I could start reflecting on other things, including service, community involvement, self care, etc. However, I think you get the point. We must interrogate our initial reactions and drill down to really understand what’s going on. I’ve just provided some surface-level details to illustrate my point. However, I will continue this exercise and work to be as specific as possible so that I can set myself up for success next term.
Final thoughts. For lack of a better term, I feel like a “waste of space” at the end of each semester. And I need to remember that this is how I feel at the end of each semester (with maybe one exception). To be blunt, I could cure cancer and still feel like I’ve fallen short. This is something I need to work on (actually, it’s something most of us probably need to work on). Because I choose not to wait on my heart and head to reach alignment, I go through this exercise to remind myself that I’m getting things done and developing into the scholar (and person) I want to be.
Until next time year!
How to reach me: You are always welcome to email me (letstalkgradschool@gmail.com). You can also find me on Twitter (X) @tweetsbymidge and Bluesky @bskybymidge.
Want to support my #hiddencurriculum efforts? Consider “buying me a coffee” via Ko-fi. All funds will be put back into my Let’s Talk Grad School initiatives (i.e., weekend groups, buying/mailing books, etc.). Learn more about my efforts here.
Let’s give away some books: Readers located in the United States are eligible to enter the book giveaway to receive a copy of A Field Guide to Grad School by Dr. Jessica Calarco. To do so, complete this survey and note that you only have to complete it once to be entered in all subsequent giveaways! I do hope to expand the reach of the giveaway; however, at the moment, the shipping costs are too great to scale. If you’d like to talk about ways your institution could secure an electronic (or hard) copy, please let me know.
Wishing you all the best!
Margaret