What are friends for?
Our 24th and 25th book winners are Mauricio Montes (prospective PhD student) and Priyam Joshi (current PhD student)! Be sure to enter the book giveaway for your chance to win a copy of A Field Guide to Grad School! More details below (at the end of the post).
Before jumping into discussing graduate school friendships, there’s something I’m hoping many of you can help me with. During the 2022 meeting of the Cognitive Development Society, I will be participating in the pre-conference workshop “Working toward a more diverse, equitable, and inclusive cognitive developmental science” co-organized by Drs. Jasmine DeJesus (UNC-Greensboro) and Steven Roberts (Stanford). As a part of this workshop, I was invited to discuss the role of institutional prestige and its implications for diversity, equity, and inclusion in cognitive developmental science. Within this broad topic, I will be discussing financial considerations.
To do this, I’ve created a survey for current undergraduates, post-baccs, and graduate students in psychology. I would appreciate learning more about your experiences, to the extent you are comfortable sharing. Please note that this is an informal survey—one that is not IRB-approved nor connected to any ongoing research that I’m doing. Responses will be used to inform my talk during the pre-conference. Following the conference, responses will be deleted from my Google account; however, the general findings may be made public via Twitter or some other platform (but NOT included in any publication). If you have any questions prior to completing this survey, please email me at letstalkgradschool@gmail.com.
LINK TO SURVEY: https://forms.gle/zsQjBMirC2XvX6sb9
Now, onto the good stuff!
I struggled making friends during my K-12 education. Things got a bit easier in college, but not entirely so. Then, I made some of the best friends in my PhD program. Many students can relate to this experience. Finding “your people” (“your humans,” whatever you call it) provides a great source of comfort. Yet, there are many students who feel that they cannot connect with those around them in their PhD programs because doing so would compromise their ability to get work done or appear “serious.” Some even feel that there’s little point when everyone moves on after the program anyways. The purpose of this post is to simply encourage you to make those connections. Note that I recognize that not everyone is in a situation where they feel comfortable connecting with other students in their program, nor feel safe to do so. If this is you, please feel free to reach out to me so we can strategize and help you find your community.
Knowing this post was coming, I reached out to some friends to see whether they would be open to sharing some photos with graduate school friends. I appreciate those who shared photos for this post and also those who shared many more photos within chat/text groups, allowing me to take very enjoyable trips down memory lane. Now, let me debunk some graduate school friendship myths.
Myth 1: Developing friendships will get in the way of my work. Sure, spending time with others will regularly require you to step away from your work. However, these social connections are critical for well-being and happiness. Just consider the fact that PhD students are often required to uproot their lives and move to unfamiliar places. Forging new friendships with those around us serves to build out our local support network and creates opportunities for us to become better acquainted with the new communities in which we reside. Friends also support one another in the classroom. Why do homework alone when you can do it alongside someone else? Why bounce ideas off your office wall alone when you can do so with someone who is invested in your success? Why walk across the quad on a bitterly cold day alone when you can commiserate with someone else along the way?
Myth 2: Everything is a competition. We’re all just competing with each other. It’s true that there are cases where you will be in direct competition with your graduate school friends for grants and awards, among other things. It may even be difficult to not compare yourself to your graduate school friends, which can bring about feelings of jealousy. Know that friendships aren’t without their difficulties, yet, these difficulties are far outweighed by the potential benefits of having graduate school friends. It’s wonderful having people celebrate you when you experience success. It’s also wonderful to have people to find comfort in when you experience disappointment. And in those cases where you “lose” to your friend, it’s can be wonderful knowing that you get to celebrate them (and they will celebrate you when it’s time). Besides, I’d much rather “lose out” to a friend than a non-friend.
Myth 3: There’s no point in making friends because we’re just going to move away from each other. Whether we pursue academic positions or not, it’s often the case that we move away from where we completed our PhD upon graduation. This means that friend groups are often spread across a country (or even around the world). You will find that some friendships weaken upon graduation—that’s normal. Others will remain quite strong or even strengthen, irrespective of distance. I enjoy that I now get to regularly celebrate more than just papers and awards—I’m celebrating marriages, home ownership, and babies. In the picture above, I’m having fun with Dr. Tyler Hein at her wedding reception (I even officiated the wedding!). In short, some graduate school friendships will run their course, but some will be sustained, perhaps for forever (right, Tyler?).
Now, please enjoy some more photos shared by folks who developed lifelong friendships while in graduate school.
Are you still reading? To help facilitate some social connection, let me buy you and a cohort mate (or someone else from your program) a coffee or tea. Comment below letting me know you’d like to connect with someone in your program. Two people will be chosen to receive $15 USD via PayPal or Venmo to cover your coffee or tea. Bonus points if you share a picture of your coffee/tea for an upcoming newsletter!
SCHOLAR PROFILE #18: ESTELA B. DIAZ
The purpose of these profiles is to highlight and connect you to scholars at different career stages doing interesting and important research and service work.
This week, we get to learn about Estela Diaz, who is PhD candidate in Sociology at Columbia University.
Now, let’s learn about Estela’s academic journey.
What are your research interests?
I am interested in elites, culture, education, and inequality.
With whom are you working for your PhD?
My advisors are Dr. Tey Meadow (Associate Professor of Sociology at Columbia University) and Dr. Shamus Khan (Professor of Sociology & American Studies at Princeton University).
Why did you choose your PhD institution and advisor(s)?
New York City is the last place I ever imagined living, but I was itching for a work setting where I could have a whole life separate from my work after six years in suburban New Jersey. Living in the city allows me to strike that balance more easily than elsewhere. My advisors are good-natured and kind humans (aside from being thoughtful and creative geniuses) and I felt that they would really allow me to form my own independent intellectual identity.
Please share more about your academic journey.
I applied to Princeton on a leap of faith and went there for my undergraduate years. Socially, it was a struggle for me in many ways. I was a first-gen college student, grew up working-class and was closeted my first year so I had a lot to process. However, Princeton was the perfect intellectual home for me -- faculty were readily available and I had access to tremendous research opportunities. The Mellon Mays Undergraduate Fellowship (a program for students of color in the social sciences and humanities who want to get their PhDs and join the academy) was a key turning point for me and made me really excited for the possibility of becoming a faculty member.
How did you navigate the PhD application process?
When I was applying to graduate school, I had a clear list of non-negotiables. I would only apply to fully-funded programs where there were at least three faculty members I could work with and that I felt I would get along with on an interpersonal level. I asked mentors at Princeton for recommendations of programs that I should consider and took their recommendations as a starting point for my search. I then poured hours into my personal and research statements, asked mentors for feedback on my work, and hoped for the best!
What is one bit of advice you'd like to give new (first-year) PhD students?
Connecting with faculty is important, but don't forget that graduate students are your future colleagues. You will get the best and most thorough feedback from your peers, and you can also commiserate with one another throughout graduate school. Be sure to value and nurture your relationships with your cohort as well as the cohorts above and below you.
Many thanks to Estela for sharing more about her academic journey!
RESOURCE SPOTLIGHT
In this section, I highlight resources you may find helpful as you navigate the PhD application process as well as the PhD itself. This week, I’m highlighting a productivity tool brought to my attention by a student with whom I’m working.
If you’d like to see a specific resource appear here, please share the relevant information via this survey. And remember, I maintain a running list of resources here.
Notion: Notion can be used by individuals or teams to streamline project management and note-taking. Users can also take advantage of existing templates that already meet their needs. For example, there is template for PhD students; however, note that there is a cost associated with downloading this template (I’m not sure about the range of free offerings).
How to reach me: You are always welcome to email me (letstalkgradschool@gmail.com) or find me on Twitter @tweetsbymidge.
Want to support my #hiddencurriculum efforts? Consider “buying me a coffee” via Ko-fi. All funds will be put back into my Let’s Talk Grad School initiatives (i.e., weekend groups, buying/mailing books, etc.). Learn more about my efforts here.
Let’s give away some books: Readers located in the United States and Canada are eligible to enter the book giveaway to receive a copy of A Field Guide to Grad School by Dr. Jessica Calarco. To do so, complete this survey and note that you only have to complete it once to be entered in all subsequent giveaways! I do hope to expand the reach of the giveaway; however, at the moment, the shipping costs are too great to scale. If you’d like to talk about ways your institution could secure an electronic (or hard) copy, please let me know.
Until next time!
Margaret