There's no place like (a new) home
Before I forget, HAPPY 2 YEARS to this newsletter! Some numbers: 40 posts (this post makes 41), 1.2K subscribers (and growing), 54 books mailed to incoming/current PhD students, and over 60K views. Let’s keep it going!
For a month now, I’ve been back in the Midwest (USA) reconnecting with family, friends, and colleagues. During this time, I’ve come to appreciate just how important it is to have social support physically close by. Of course, I knew having family and friends close was important, I think I just underestimated it after having been in the Midwest for the prior 9 years. This isn’t to say that I didn’t feel supported during my first year in New York. Rather, by taking stock of how I feel right now while being back in the Midwest (where I’m from) and my feelings during the past year (while living in New York), I can now see very clearly what my new colleagues did well to make me feel welcome and what more I could have done to integrate myself in my new community (both on and off campus).
Soon, many students, postdocs, and faculty will be making their own transitions, many of these far away from family and friends and without partners to join them in their new adventures. It can be a very lonely endeavor (even when social support is available). So, drawing inspiration from The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum (for no actual reason other than perhaps because I lived in Kansas for 2 years), here are some things you can do to help your new colleagues feel at home and some things you can do to feel more at home in your new home.1
HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS
No matter how dreary and gray our homes are, we people of flesh and blood would rather live there than in any other country, be it ever so beautiful. There is no place like home. - Dorothy
I’ve lived more of my life away from my childhood community than in it, so I now think a lot about what “being home” and “feeling at home” mean. For me, home is more of a feeling than a place. Although I know my literal home is in New York, I still don’t feel as “at home” as I would like. This is all to say that I don’t see the gap between what is literally my home and what feels like my home as a bad thing (for me). This whole academic endeavor is a process and it seems right that it would take awhile to develop feelings of home, even when excited to make a move.
If welcoming new colleagues, consider sharing what you enjoy most about your on and off campus communities and how you navigated your own transition. Don’t gatekeep the information necessary for others to thrive. In turn, if joining new communities, be open to receiving information and giving new things a shot (even if they don’t immediately resonate with you).
CONNECTING WITH OTHERS IS IMPORTANT
…and remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others. - Wizard of Oz
The onboarding process can be daunting—and it was for me—however, I’m so glad I took advantage of new faculty programming to connect with other new faculty on campus. Without it, I would have not made a new friend outside my department this past academic year. Did I enjoy coming to campus on my work-from-home days to attend the monthly programming? No, not really. But it was so worth it. In addition to benefiting from new faculty programming, I also benefited from outreach within my department. Several senior faculty proactively reached out to me to offer insight and mentorship. Their willingness (and eagerness!) to engage was so appreciated and really helped me feel like a full member of my new academic community.
If welcoming new colleagues, reach out to say hello and consider organizing a gathering. If congregating before a meeting, keep discussion circles open and welcome new colleagues to join. If joining new communities, be open to invitations to connect and take advantage of programming to meet others. Sometimes the value of these sessions is not the content itself but the opportunity to form new relationships. If you’re uncomfortable putting yourself out there, know that talking to strangers generally goes better than we think! Plus, we tend to underestimate just how much we’ll learn from others.
DON’T COUNT ANYONE OUT
I have always thought myself very big and terrible; yet such small things as flowers came near to killing me, and such small animals as mice have saved my life. How strange it all is! - Cowardly Lion
Transitions are hard (at least for me) and it can feel like something isn’t working or you’re not working when, in fact, great progress is being made. It may take you more or less time than others to feel comfortable within a new community or feel comfortable with new people joining your own community. That’s ok. We’re all running our own races. So, don’t count anyone out, including yourself. Again, this is process—one that is bound to include many surprises.
BE A GOOD HUMAN
Only bad witches are ugly. - Glinda the Good Witch
I was fortunate to experience a warm welcome; however, I know this isn’t everyone’s reality. It’s important to recognize that transitions can also be difficult for those already in a community. Welcoming new colleagues can be hard. Perhaps you feel like the current group dynamics are “just right” and you don’t want that to change. At the same time, it’s important to be the colleague you want others to be. For that reason, be open to receiving and welcoming others—both as someone in a community and someone joining one. To the extent possible (and reasonable), give others the benefit of the doubt. Transitions are a bit of a negotiation and involve many people.
BE YOURSELF
I am convinced that the only people worthy of consideration in this world are the unusual ones. For the common folks are like the leaves of a tree, and live and die unnoticed. - Scarecrow
Simply put, be yourself. You are you and it’s possible (even likely) that’s “being you” is not going to resonate with everyone. It took me too long to realize this. To be clear, I am not suggesting that it’s ok to be unkind, among other things. Rather, I’m saying that you shouldn’t feel like you have to fit someone else’s mold to value yourself or be valued by others.
Some disclaimers: To me, being uncomfortable is different from feeling unsafe (at least how I’m thinking about it). Not everyone is going to be your friend and you’re not going to want to be everyone’s friend. So, I’m simply advocating for being open to new experiences and creating the conditions for you and others to thrive.
Until next time!
How to reach me: You are always welcome to email me (letstalkgradschool@gmail.com). You can also find me on Twitter (I’m not calling it X) @tweetsbymidge and Bluesky @bskybymidge.
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Wishing you all the best!
Margaret
These quotes were extracted from the list “22 Wonderful Wizard of Oz Quotes to Inspire You.”